New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
