Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
