I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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