I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
