bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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