1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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