Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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