I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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