Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just pee around me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
