Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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