Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
