Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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