I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
