I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
