Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
