It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
