Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need to calm my uterus...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
All the doctor said was why
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
