Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
