How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
