i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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