Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
