imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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