pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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