I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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