Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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