singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
