he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
