Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Me. At least after what I've been through.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
