: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize