are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
