Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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