And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
