hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
