so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
