my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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