I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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