Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Success! We fucked roommates!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
