So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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