if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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