i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
