woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
