What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
