why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
