Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
