if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
