I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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