Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
