people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
