I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
