Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
