The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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