Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
