I can tuck mytits in my pants
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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